Longing
A free short story
This story will be a part of a 15 story anthology I’ll publish January 2025
Longing
by Shawn Brooks
I watch the man and the woman through the curtain of leaves. They're holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes. His face is all smiles and hers is all flushed cheeks. She rises on her toes and pecks his lips. He reciprocates and holds her tight in his arms.
Minutes later they are sitting on a bench. They laugh, they kiss, she pushes him away playfully. But then it all changes. Like a sudden onset of storm clouds over once tranquil waters.
I hear the words "family" and "accept." His smiles have been swallowed by a graven expression. He won't look the woman in the eyes. Tears stream down her face, giving her matching red eyes to match her cheeks. I hear them speak, but their words come to me like I'm underwater.
As they always do.
I think the man says, "I have to go."
I hear a "sorry" here and "don't leave" there.
Then he is rushing to his feet and walking briskly away. He doesn't look back. Her eyes stayed glued to him as he nearly runs out of the park. Even after she cannot possibly see him anymore, still she stares out into the dark. As if her pleading eyes will summon the man back. The moonlight bathes the woman in silver and cold light, a feign to comfort. Her hands bury her face behind long red nails. Her shoulders heave. I cannot hear her but I know that she is crying.
Those hands, those red nails, they remind me of someone.
I want to go to her. To tell her it will be okay. To wipe away each tear and see that smile return to her lovely face. Everyone I see in this park is precious. I cannot bear to see their pain. All of them are so full of vibrancy, even when they think they're not. And that makes me angry. All of these lives wasted on things that don't even matter. The man who lost his job last Thursday who fed the pigeons for three hours, as if the stupid blank faces of the birds could give him guidance. The older woman just last night who wandered the paths sobbing because her husband died.
I called to her. To ease her pain. She just went on her way, oblivious to my offer.
Nobody comes to my section of the park anymore. Not since the KEEP OUT sign was nailed across the elms. Not since the weeds filled up the garden that used to be pristine. I had roses, petunias, sunflowers, and birds of paradise once. It was a palace hidden in the trees. Now all that beauty has been devoured by the wilds. Nobody visits me anymore. Nobody tends to the flowers.
Nobody lights the candles.
And these people I see, night after night, as they walk by my borders. With their heads weighed down in despair.
All so stupid. What a waste. They don't understand what it means to be alive. If only they knew what it will be like when they cross over. When their bodies rot in the ground and their souls cross through that gray wall and into the empty, cold, and formless country.
I speak to them. I yell at them. I try to warn them. But nobody hears me. Nobody comes to me.
I am so lonely.
I scream and I groan. I strike the grass beneath with my fists. I stamp my feet. But nothing moves. Not even a blade.
I am less than a gust of wind. I am its afterthought.
Suddenly the woman lifts her head like a startled deer and looks towards the leaves that conceal me.
This cannot be possible. Did she hear me?
Joy erupts in my heart and I start crying out to her. Oh how good it will be to have a friend again, to have someone speak to me again, to have someone light the candles and tend to the flowers again.
I try to push the leaves aside and show my face. My hands pass through the leaves. My hands? I can't even see them. What is happening? Why can't I just push even one leaf aside? It's not fair. Cold. Numb. This nothingness I'm trapped in.
How long has it been?
What is my name?
Please, miss, can you hear me? Please hear me!
Silent words I scream. My throat would burn if I had one.
The woman starts to rise off the bench.
This is it. She's coming over. She must have heard me.
A light shines in her hand. She looks down and presses a small black object to her ear. She's talking to herself now.
Looking away from my garden.
Ignoring me.
And then she is gone. Walking down the path that will lead her out of the park.
And I am alone once again.
***
What is a day to me anymore? What is time? It's all one eternal moment. Drenched in paralytic agony.
I gaze out from the leaves every night, waiting for the woman to return.
Everyone else who comes at night is too preoccupied with their miserable lives to look my way. Teenagers scouring the secret places for their trysts. Drunkards falling asleep below trees well-kept.
No one sees me.
But she did. It was just once but I know that she saw me. She must have.
But she only came here when she was with him. I'm so afraid she'll never come back. And then I'm lost. Lost and forgotten, buried behind this obscure wall of vegetation, sitting beneath the horned statue covered in moss.
Wait, it's her. She's here! And alone. Sitting down on that bench now, directly across from my garden. She's not crying tonight but I can see the bags under her eyes. Oh darling you are not well. She isn't wearing makeup. Her face looks like death. If it weren't for her red nails—so familiar—she could pass for one of us.
Oh, I'm not completely alone, no, there are others like me. I hear their wails and their cries at night. I see the shambling ones on the paths, the ones trying to claw their way out of the soil, the ones who hang in the branches overhead.
And I hate them. I won't be like them. Alone and cold and forgotten. Ignored by and unseen.
The girl is standing up now. No, she's leaving!
I scream with everything I have. A single leaf before me flutters. For just a second. Was that the wind or was that me?
She's looking in my direction now. There's fear in her tired eyes. I'm so sorry for that. My voice can can seem so sudden and intrusive to the few who have been unable to catch it. But there's something else, I see curiosity in her arched eyebrows.
She takes a step forward.
What's your name miss? I hope your heart doesn't hurt so badly tonight.
I long for her to hear these words.
And then something happens, something I have never seen.
"My name is Lissy, who are you?"
Warmth pumps into the cavernous ice that is my chest cavity.
She spoke to me!
Me? My name is…my name is, I can't remember.
Lissy—oh God it feels so good to know her name—-she takes another step closer.
Don't scare her now.
It's okay Lissy, your pain won't last. In a year's time you won't even remember his name. As I don't even remember mine. The expanse of time can do that to a mind you know.
Please, won't you light the candles by my feet? They would surely warm me so.
Lissy takes one last step and she is at my border, just outside the KEEP OUT sign. She brushes the leaves and the vines aside and peers into my garden. Her pupils dilate as she stares into the darkness.
Don't be afraid Lissy, I know its dark in here but there is nothing to be afraid of.
"Who…who are you? I hear your voice in my head."
She raises her petite pale hand, tipped in crimson paint, to her temple as if my words are splitting her head.
I'm so sorry if I'm hurting you, I don't want to. So few can hear my voice. And none as clearly as you dear Lissy. Please, would you light my candles?
She ducks under the sign and takes a step into my garden. The wall of vines close behind her. She wades knee deep in the weeds and they rustle like ocean waves as she glides over to me. Such a lovely sound. The footsteps of a fair maiden in my garden.
She stops and lifts her hand in front of her. Its right in front of me. I reach for her hand, and my own passes right through hers.
"Candles? What candles?"
The ones at my feet, don't you see them? Of course, it's too dark, of course you can't see. Look up Lissy and see the horned statue. The candles are at its feet.
Lissy raises her dark eyes and they widen in terror.
No, no, it's okay Lissy, do not be frightened. I've been frightened for years, millennia even, time is a rushing river for me, let us be done with fear and embrace love! Ignore that heap of rock behind me.
She takes a deep breath and I see calmness return to her face. She even smiles a little. Oh how beautiful she is, even in the dark.
She brushes the weeds by the statute's feet aside.
"I see them. You want me to light them?"
With all my heart and soul yes! Then we can meet face to face. And I won't be so alone here in the dark. They used to light the candles every night and I was filled with love. Back then. I can't even remember how long ago that was.
Lissy makes a move for the candles. Then a chirping sound explodes out of her pockets. She lifts that black object out and the light brightens up the garden. She speaks into that object—so silly Lissy, with these games of make believe you play—but then her face, lit up white in that light, takes a dive into fear. She looks right through me and screams. She wheels around on her heels and runs headfirst into the wall of leaves and then she is gone.
My friend! The only one who hears me! Why!?
It takes me a moment and then I understand. That light must have shown her the horned statue, the darkness unveiled, covered in moss, eyes painted red. It does like to move sometimes.
It scares me too, Lissy. That's why we must light the candles so we can be rid of it! The light will dispel that damnable darkness. Please come back. Please. I can't go on anymore. I can't be so alone!
Please.
***
I never thought I would see Lissy again. My thoughts grew dark, well, darker than usual. I started waking up in the daylight. That's never happened to me. Oh Lissy you are changing me! I am becoming.
I see a dark haired woman walk near my border, walking with a small white dog. I think it is Lissy but when I rush to my wall to see, I see that it was not. My Lissy is so fair, so sweet, so innocent, and her nails flash red like crimson lightning upon a pale sky.
The woman before me is ugly. I can see into her bone's marrow. Her thoughts are poison. Lissy's are the antidote.
I growl at the woman and her dog. The dog's neck hairs stand up straight and it growls back at me. The woman is too stupid to hear me. She pulls that small white thing away from me. Good thing she did, I wanted to grab it, and…and…I don't know what I wanted to do.
I scare myself now. Awake in the daylight. I thought that would cheer me up but it makes it so much worse. Seeing the happiness and the goodness that could have been mine, that should be mine, so close yet a world away.
And the horned statue is too clear in the daylight. I cannot bear to look at it.
My thoughts turn sour and rancid. If only someone would light my candles and it can all go away! And I could show them love. I could show them joy. I could show them a world without hurt.
Please.
And then the impossible happens. The sun is setting. The light is draining out of the park and is being replaced by a cool, dark, pool of night. It is tonight that Lissy comes back.
She stands by the bench and stares at my garden. In one hand she has a long stick that shoots out light. In the other she holds a knife.
Why? Do you want to hurt me?
She comes closer.
"I don't know what you are, but you're in my dreams every night. Why are you torturing me? What do you want? You're driving me insane!"
Me? I am not torturing you. Am I? Am I reaching you in your dreams? I didn't know I could do that.
I must apologize dear Lissy but I cannot hide my feelings.
The fact that she is here before me makes me want to laugh and hear my own voice dance in the air. I imagine it, and it makes me glad. I can see myself dancing in this garden with my white gown twirling under the stars.
Lissy walks to my border and brushes the leaves out of the way.
She shines that light into the dark. I follow her gaze and see that light resting on the horned face. Its eyes seem somehow darker in the light. Deep set into that harsh and ridged face. The horns curve downward. They are tipped red, like Lissy's nails. The tongue curls out. It is forked. She moves the light down and sees the knees that look like a horse's. The stone fur that covers most of its lower half. She doesn't know yet about the hooved feet, I wonder what she will do when she sees them?
"I don't, I don't want to come in."
Please Lissy. Free me from him! From that grotesque statue. From his gaze and his hooves and his horns. Only you can hear me. You must light the candles and we can both be free of him.
He is evil! He keeps me here! He is the one who tortures you! Let us be free of him
I know she believes me because she nods her head and steps forward.
"The candles, are by its feet?"
By me feet, yes. No, I mean, yes, by its feet. Over here.
I try to move the weeds out of the way but my hands—do I have hands?—are useless. I am an impotent vapor dissipating before I begin.
But Lissy, no, she is flesh and blood and life and love. She alone can save me. She bends down on one knee and brushes the weeds aside. She recoils when she sees the hooves. Maybe it is the blood that cakes them which makes her hesitate. I'm sorry you have to see this, but you must understand, things were different then. Different times and all.
Lissy reaches into her pockets and pulls out a small yellow box. She opens it and flicks her thumb across a piece of metal on the box.
Oh Lissy you are showing me so many new things.
Fire! She makes fire rise out of the box. She is a goddess worthy of worship.
Wait, no, not her.
Who am I?
She lights the two candles by the hooved feet.
There is one more, behind the statue.
"Okay. And then the nightmares will stop?"
All of them my dear. All of the heartbreaks and all of my loneliness too.
She skirts around the statue but it is difficult for her, the weeds are nearly as tall as she is back there.
I go to help her, knowing it will be useless.
Until I find that it is not.
I push the grass with my hand and it bends! I look down and see my hand! Well, I see the outline of something, like a weak fog, but it is mine and it can move grass! I stamp down the grass and it bends beneath my weight.
"I have weight!"
Lissy screams.
I can speak?
"I can speak?"
The sound of my voice would bring me to tears if I had eyes.
But I do not.
Not yet at least.
Patience child. They will come.
Whose voice was that? I do not know you.
It does not come again.
Lissy is cowering on the ground, her hands raised above her head like a shield.
"Lissy."
She cries out in horror.
"Lissy!"
The force of my words snap her eyes open.
"Yes?" She says.
"Just one more candle. And it is done. Then we can be together."
I see doubt color her pale face. I do not like that color on her. I like the color of her nails. Red. Wet in the dew of the grass and red.
I feel, not so much lonely, no, that was the wrong word this whole time.
I feel…
"There, I did it."
I wasn't even paying attention to the girl—what was her name?—but I see that the candle at the back, the one under the ratty tail of the statue, is lit.
The girl backs away from my statue and makes her way to the end of my garden. She looks so stupid to me then. The sight of her fills me with disgust. Why is she here? In my garden? How dare she.
"Oh, is that you? I thought, I thought you would be something scary." The girl laughs. The sound grates against my ears. What is she talking about?
I look at my hands. White as the moon with red nails. Growing longer. Sharper.
I feel my hair. Long and raven black. I am beautiful. I am lovely. I am to be adored. My garden is to be kept lit. The weeds are to be cut. The statue is to be at bay by the fire's light. I am to be loved.
I am a queen.
I am love.
I am…so hungry.
The girl smiles as she approaches me. She must trust me now.
"Is this when my pain goes away?" She asks insipidly.
"Yes child, this is the end."
I open my long arms, so long and so wide they fill the garden, and embrace her. She embraces me. I feel her sobs as her chest convulses against my own.
I feel her heartbeat connect with my own.
I love you, you stupid little thing. And I am sorry.
I remember now. I haven't been truly awake for over a hundred years.
And I am hungry.
I feel my teeth grow long and sharp. I push the woman away from me and hold onto her shoulders with incredible strength. Oh how I have forgotten my strength!
She was smiling as her face was buried in my bosom. She wipes the tears out of her eyes. Then she looks up. And sees me. Truly sees me.
She screams and struggles. She thrashes against my cold iron grip.
Oh how I have missed this.
There is no one to offer her to me with song and dance. I must take her on my own.
Oh well.
I sink my teeth into her neck. I am able to close my jaw fully as I bite into her. I drink from her life. I feel her joy and her pain and her love and her regret flow into me. I feel the pain when Mark left her. Married to another woman? How dare he? I shall visit him soon as well.
I bite down again, harder this time, until her head is no longer attached to her pretty neck. Her tiny head falls into the weeds with a thud. I bite down harder on the part left exposed between her shoulders. I bury my face into her as she did into me.
This is love.
The more I take from her the more solid I feel. The girl loves me. She has given me her everything.
Thank you.
I have my fill. And when I am done I am satisfied and I am happy and I am alive.
For a moment.
And then I realize how hungry I am again.
So soon.
Always hungry.
I walk over to my border of leaves and watch them wither before my touch and turn to ash. The vines flee before my presence. I break the KEEP OUT sign under my foot.
I walk through that border and into the park.
Oh look, look at how surprised the woman with the dog is now. The dog runs from her and leaves her shaking before me.
"Now you see me?"
I smile.
I tower over her.
So good to be alive.
An enjoyable horror tale.